2.10.2005

Things You Don't Have to Teach Kids

Ya know, there's a lot you have to teach your kids in the course of their lives. They don't just learn how to walk or use the toilet all by themselves. If only us parents could have some help or maybe even a head start on all the things we have to teach our kids! Well, before the stork drops babies into homes, they program them with a certain amount of default knowledge, so we don't have to teach our kids EVERYTHING! So, I've come up with some of the things you don't have to teach your kids. Read the list and then breathe deeply as you feel the stress just disappear...

You don't have to teach your kids how to:
* say funny things
* look cute
* dance when they hear music
* play with toys
* have more fun with a box than the toy that came in the box
* be a smart alleck
* color on walls
* flush things down the toilet
* unroll an entire roll of toilet paper
* blow bubbles in their drink with a straw
* make bubbles in the bathtub
* throw up
* pick their nose
* wipe their snot on their shirt sleeve (or yours!)
* cry
* whine
* play with their food
* be mean to their siblings
* laugh when they fart
* leave dirty clothes on the floor
* end up with more water on the floor than what's left in the tub after a bath
* lie about brushing their teeth
* lie about hitting their sibling
* (ok, lie about anything)
* put their shoes on the wrong feet every single time for the first year
* sneak candy or cookies from the kitchen
* quietly ask only the parent who they think will say "yes" to something they want
* be mean to pets
* be stuffed from dinner (after eating 4 bites), and then ask for dessert
* have bad dreams
* wake up during "mommy and daddy time"
* scuff ONLY brand new shoes
* make up their own rules to games that only benefits themselves
* cut their hair
* throw away food or drinks after one bite/drink
* always spill red kool-aid on the carpet, but never just water
* spit out medicine
* laugh at you when you change their poopy diaper

The list could go on and on, but ahh...it's so refreshing that we don't have to teach our kids everything! What are some things YOUR kids already knew how to do?

2 comments:

Jennifer said...

Or cuddle, or smile, or make a mess, or bite, or pat you when you pat them, or nuzzle into you, or (usually) nurse. Isn't that cool! They just know how to suckle.

Jen

Jeff said...

Pure Genius!- great blog